...is what I watched earlier this evening after I came home from the gym. It was airing on TLC and was followed by, My Half-Ton Mom, and Obese and Pregnant. Apparently TLC runs their programming in themes.
I’ve heard about the show before, and have seen clips previously, but I’ve never sat down and watched an entire episode. The one I decided to watch today was 2 hours long. It featured a woman who was once over 600 pounds, who underwent a number of surgeries to remove fat and skin from her body. She went from being over 600 pounds, to being 157 pounds. By the end of her weight loss she was definitely smaller, but had a lot of loose skin hanging from all areas of her body. Even with surgery, you can only loose so much excess skin.
The reason I sat and watched the entire episode is because there was one point where she got down to the exact same weight as myself, but still looked pretty big.
She and I definitely have different body types, and because she weighed hundreds of pounds more prior to being my current weight, our bodies looked very different. But it got me wondering...am I big enough to be on one of these shows?
Once she got to my weight, she still had a ways to go.
I’ve been a big girl ever since I was a kid. I was always bigger than my friends, and usually wasn’t able to have that fun childhood experience of wearing each other’s clothes. My weight bothered me every once in a while, but it never seemed like too big a deal (no pun intended).
Although I was overweight, I always had a big group of friends, and was usually pretty active. I was on the volleyball team, the badminton team, and loved to play intramural basketball at lunch time. I did hate running laps in gym though, but most kids did. Being overweight never stopped me from doing what I wanted to do, and living a normal life. On T.V. and in movies they always had the character of the “typical fat girl eating lunch in the bathroom, no friends, and getting bullied,” ...that wasn’t me. And I wasn’t going to let that be me. A boy or two would make a rude comment here and there, but I dished it right back out in record time, and they stopped. Nice try boys. But Charmaine doesn’t play those games. You’ll have to try it on someone else (but it’d be better if you didn’t).
My point is, I’ve always been a bigger girl, and for the most part, I’ve been comfortable with it. Maybe even too comfortable. When I look into the mirror I don’t see a “fat girl.” I would never call myself fat. I see a voluptuous young woman with great curves, a body in proportion, and booty that looks fabulous in a pair of jeans with bedazzled back pockets. I’m not afraid to wear a short dress, a tank top, or a bathing suit at the beach.
What I am afraid of is having a heart attack, or having a blood pressure so high that no amount of medication will fix it. I’m afraid of not living long enough to develop a career, get married, buy my first house, or have kids. I'd hate to deprive the world of my adorable offspring.
It’s great that I’m comfortable and confident enough in myself to look this way, but I need to take care of my health. I was born with a heart murmur, which is fairly common, but it’s something that usually goes away into early adolescence. My doctor said it’s something we can look into, but only after I lose weight. Last year I dislocated my knee and called an ambulance because no one was home, and I couldn’t move. When they came (they were cute by the way) they took my blood pressure and it was 210 over...some number. Anyway, it was scary high and when I got to the hospital, they were more concerned with my blood pressure than with my knee. I was more concerned with walking, but hey, I’m no doctor.
I’m taking two medications for my blood pressure and it is going down, which is good. But do I want to be taking medications the rest of my life? The only thing that will permanently bring it down is a healthy weight-loss. It’s been 24 years and if I want to live for 76 more (I plan on living until 100), it’s time for a change. I don’t want to get up to 600 pounds, I don’t want to have fat and skin surgically removed from my body, and most importantly, I don’t want to die today. I’m too young, too funny, and have too much to live for.
I mean, I haven’t even met Zac Efron yet.
Seriously....look at him...
|My future husband